I decided to call this video Walking the Woods because to me it never really feels as if I am walking in the woods, but rather with it. This wooded land has been my lifelong companion, a cherished part of  my childhood, and to this day my heart place and home.

Thanks Carol, Mark, Hannah my yellow lab, and Nateus, my sister Carol’s malamute. This was the last walk I took with Nateus. He was a wonderful dog…. RIP old boy.

This is my first attempt at making a movie. I wanted it to look like an old home movie so used an old film effect on a series of digital photographs. Wasn’t too successful with editing the music at the end though…oh well. Comments and advice would be most appreciated !

If this one looks good I think i might make some more. Enjoy!

Knox Presbyterian Church Burlington Ontario

My parents were married in Knox Presbyterian Church in Burlington Ontario in August 1952. This was my mother’s family church where her father was an elder and most family members attended regularly. One of my aunts  was a life long member of the choir there.

Wedding Day Aug 9.1952

Many of my cousins were baptized in this church and all family funerals were held there. Church life was an important aspect of my mother’s upbringing. and even though this was not the church that I attended I was familiar with the Minister there, Reverend Harold Lowry, and always felt part of the long time  family connection to this congregation.

The Wedding Party 1952

After my parents were married they moved to Galt Ontario (now Cambridge) and became members of Central Presbyterian Church in that city. My elder sister Jan, myself, my brother Douglas and  my younger sister Carol were all baptized in this church and attended the Sunday School there. My mother taught Sunday School and my father became an elder in this congregation.

Central Presbyterian Church Cambridge Ontario photo by Antony Pranata

My sister Janet (seated on the knee of Mrs. Polland Sunday School Superintendent) with Sunday school class Central Presbyterian Church1956

My parents July 1954

Going to church was a a part of my childhood and dressing up for Sunday School and church was a very serious affair with the inclusion of white gloves and hats even for the children. I was notoriously messing up my clothes and getting my gloves dirty on the way to church so that it was customary for my mother to carry an extra pair in her purse to provide me with clean ones if need be before we entered the church. How we looked and behaved at church was a major source of concern for my parents during our early years. An adherence to decorum and tidiness was definitely an expectation of the church and within my family at this time.

It was at this Church that my father was ordained as an elder within the context of the Presbyterian organization of congregational life. The position of elder in this church is a life long lay ordination and is in fact the source of the name of the denomination as the Greek word for elder is πρεσβυτερος [presbyteros] and in English presbyter.

Presbyterianism originated primarily in Scotland and the Scottish Reformation during the formal break with the Roman Catholic Church in 1560.   Although there are differing theological approaches within the Presbyterian denomination Calvinism is the primary tradition within this church which emphasizes the sovereignty of God, the authority of the Scriptures, and the necessity of divine grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Each local congregation is  governed by Sessions  made up of representatives of the congregation, or elders.  Elders are lay people who are chosen to take part in local pastoral care and decision-making at all levels. It was into this role that my father stepped when he became a member of my mother’s denomination.

Dad in Montreal attending the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church in Canada as an elder and lay delegate 1958

It was during these early years of my father’s association with this church that he came into conflict with the traditional Christian doctrines and started to explore alternatives. When I asked him why he decided to resign his position as elder in the church he said that he had reservations about professing something publicly that he did not believe in unconditionally and with good conscience he made the decision  to disassociate himself from the church. The minister had presented a sermon one Sunday morning concerning the Gnostic traditions which had been rejected by the early church as heretical. Apparently my father got into a heated debate with the minister about the legitimacy of some gnostic views and was then challenged by the reverend about whether or not he believed in Jesus Christ. My father said that he answered yes, but that he also believed in the teaching of the Buddha and did not find them to be contradictory.

Albert Schweitzer 1875-1965

When I asked my father how he had come to these conclusions he replied that he had embarked on a personal study of Christian origins and had read The Quest for the Historical Jesus written by Dr. Albert Schweitzer and published in English in 1910.

Rudolf Bultmann 1884-1976

He also had read another controversial essay by Rudolf Karl Bultmann “New Testament and Mythology” 1941 which my father said also influenced his less than orthodox point of view. Once my father set out on his exploration of Christian mythology and the more esoteric gnostic texts within the Christian tradition he was drawn to the study of other world religions and to the cross cultural and voluminous works  of Helena P. Blavatsky and  The Theosophical Society.

H. P. Blavatsky 1831-1891

It was through the influence of Blavatsky and the Theosophical tenet that “There is no religion higher than Truth” that my father began his studies of Hinduism and Buddhism and started to build up a rather extensive library of religious books and texts from many different traditions.

Edith Hamilton 1867-1963

Three books that I remember specifically that had an early impact on my life as a child that were introduced to me by my father were Mythology: Timeless Tales of  Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton published in 1942, The Teachings of the Compassionate Buddha, by Edwin Arthur Burtt in 1955, and The Bhagavad Gita, sometime in 1964 when I was 9 years old.

It is a testament to my father’s open minded attitude toward our religious upbringing that even while we were still encouraged to go to church and attend Sunday School throughout our childhood we were encouraged to read these books and others from his library and were never barred from asking questions concerning anything that we discovered within their covers and were in fact encouraged to do so. Often the family dinner table became the time for discussions about what my father was studying at the time as a member of the Theosophical Society.

Lord Krishna

Krishna and Arjuna

I was so enthralled by the beautiful images of Krishna and Arjuna in the copy of the Gita that my father let us read. He told us to handle it carefully and treat it with respect as we would the Bible so I knew very early on that it was considered to be a holy book. The copy that he had had a dark navy blue hardcover with gilded edges.

What I loved about The Teachings of the Compassionate Buddha was that it contained stories that even as a child I could understand, but it was Edith Hamilton’s book on Greek mythology that changed my outlook on religion and spirituality forever. It was as if a door was opened in my mind that once opened could never be closed again.

Perseus

On the cover of the copy of my father’s book was a painted reproduction of a very famous sculpture of Perseus holding up the severed head of Medusa. Not exactly a pleasant image for a 9 years old to be contemplating. However, it wasn’t the grisly nature of the picture on the cover that  affected me most. It was the moment that I realized while reading this book that these stories provided the narrative elements to what would have been the religion of the people of ancient Greece. It was if a light went off in my own consciousness although as a child it felt more like an actual electrical shock. I can actually remember shaking my head and thinking that stories and maybe even the stories I was studying and listening to at Sunday School were just that…stories. What this meant and how this would impact my life I was not to discover fully for many more years.

My mother Jean 1953

Both my parents were extremely influential in the way I looked at the world and what I thought about my place within it. I always knew that I was surrounded by a very large and loving family of Christian believers on both sides of my family tree. I had the benefit of a very strong grounding in the Christian faith with many years of Bible study and participation in charitable church activities and projects. A consciousness of the suffering of others and a compassion for them came from my mother’s deep commitment to and love for the teachings of Jesus Christ.  As a mother and as a Sunday school teacher she was able to show us just how the stories we read in the Bible were applicable to our lives.  I am very grateful for all that I have received from her association with both the Presbyterian and United Church.

The Light of the World by William Holman Hunt 1827-1910

The Bible became a much cherished book in my library and I have read it and studied it all of my life. My love for the teachings of Jesus inspired me to pursue the study of theology and then ritual at university at the graduate level. Religious art has always been a part of  my life. The pictures of Jesus in our family Bible have inspired and challenged me since I was a child. This one by Holman Hunt of Jesus knocking at the door I particularly loved. Many hours were spent looking through Bible story picture books as well as art books that exposed us to some of the most beautiful and significant paintings and sculptures of the Christian tradition. But without doubt the influence of my father and his study of the sacred scriptures of both Hinduism and Buddhism had such an affect on me that I felt compelled to study them myself.  At one point I made the choice to  embrace the study and practice of Dharma and try as I might to integrate it with what I knew and loved of the Christian tradition. As I continue along with this blog I hope to share some of the paths that that decision has taken me.

Royal George Leonard and Maria French

The oldest photograph I have in my family album is of “Royal” George Leonard (1810-1887) and his wife Maria French (1816-1878) who both emigrated to Canada from England and settled in the Georgian Bay area of Ontario. “Royal George” appears to be some kind of family nickname. There is some speculation that George or his father served on a British Naval Vessel named the Royal George. George’s grandson also used the nickname “Royal George” (1863-1932). George and Maria were members of the Church and England. They had 11 children.

Sarah Jane Leonard Parker

Their first child Sarah Jane Leonard (1837-1908) married William Parker in Trinity Anglican Church, Barrie Ontario in 1857. Sarah and William had 7 children.

William Thomas Parker

Their son William Thomas Parker was born in 1869 and as far as I can determine it was William who broke away from the family’s long time association with the  Church of England to worship with Christians who felt that the traditional church had moved too far away from scriptural practices and gathered together in fellowships reviving the New Testament simplicity of the Gospel Hall. William Thomas Parker was married to Lucy Emma Brock in the Waverly Gospel Hall outside of Midland Ontario in 1894. I have just discovered from an old newspaper clipping that he actually became a preacher in this denomination.

Lucy Emma Brock as a child with her parents William Brock and Elizabeth Swan

The Brock’s were a long established and well known military family distinguished in the War of 1812, and before that as Loyalists to King George fighting against the “revolutionaries”  in  the American War of Independence. Originally from Fishkill New York, they received land grants that settled them along the north shore of Lake Ontario and eventually in and around Simcoe County on the shores of Georgian Bay.  The Brock family were also adherents of the Church of England.

Lucy Emma Brock Parker (1874-1901)

For some folks even the radical views of the Wesleyan Methodists were not sufficient to ensure them them that they were following the example and practices of the New Testament church.  The Gospel Hall movement without an ordained clergy or ministerial hierarchy  provided an even more scrupulous personal commitment  to a simpler practice, a more Bible based doctrine, and an emphasis on the equality of all believers (albeit a qualified equality as women would have always held a secondary role in this group and never as a teacher except for children). It was into this fellowship that my grandmother Elizabeth Edna Parker, the daughter of William Thomas and Lucy Emma, was born.

Parker Family "Lizzie", my grandmother, is 2nd from left front row

Of all my ancestors it is my Grandma Bush who I felt the closest to as a child. She was the typical loving matriarch of a very large family of aunts, uncles and cousins. She was a prayerful disciple of Jesus and it was in her home that I felt the expression of Christianity in its most loving and prayerful form. Her bright eyes, beaming smile and warm hugs enriched my childhood like no other.

Wedding Day Lizzie and Archie

Her simple faith in Jesus and her trust in God’s forbearance and mercy towards “His” children were a very strong influence in my life as a child.

My Grandfather on the other hand was the stern and very strict Christian patriarch who embraced his adherence to the principles of a very conservative evangelical Christian movement, the Plymouth Brethren like a shield against all “sinners.”  In the most conservative of these fellowships even instrumental music was frowned upon as was participating in local or federal politics or any other  “worldly” concerns.  Luckily my Grandfather did not extend his allegiance to this particular tenet and since he also worshiped at the Baptist Church  their house was full of the singing the of hymns and rousing choruses with the accompaniment of  a much beloved piano. My grandfather also played the violin.  Sunday however meant attending three church services that day and no work, which meant a cold ham supper which I remember well, and no games or frivolity unless they incorporated reading bible stories or reciting scripture. No movies, no make up, no fancy clothes and definitely no running about with  rowdy unchurched children.

Billy Graham

Evangelical Radio Preacher Billy Sunday

Bible verse plaques and even photos of great radio preachers like Billy Sunday and Billy Graham adorned the walls. In the dining room one plaque announced “Christ is the unseen guest at every meal and the silent listener to every conversation” and above and behind my Grandfather’s chair in the living room another pronounced “As for me and my House, we will serve the Lord Joshua 24:15.” Suffice it to say that the house that my father grew up in was definitely  ruled over by a strict somewhat overbearing father but tempered by a sensible and very loving mother.

My father Graham and his sister Betty Bush during their Baptism Burlington Ontario 1942

My father Graham Bush, Hurd Ave. Burlington Ont 1940's

When my father was 16 years of age he rebelled as seemed appropriate under the circumstances and refused to go to church on a Sunday causing my grandfather to chase him around the house grab him by the scruff of the neck and give him a proper beating. My father told me that he was not against going to church per se but that he wanted to chose the time and place where he felt comfortable and could study the Bible in a more open and relaxed atmosphere. The church that my grandparents attended for many years was the Freeman Gospel Tabernacle on Brant Street in Burlington Ontario.

My father’s parents certainly provided quite a stark contrast in their expression of  Christianity and how it might look to a child. As a consequence of their differences I loved my grandmother dearly and feared my grandfather just as much. Memories of sitting with my grandmother playing checkers listening to Tennessee Ernie Ford singing hymns and gospel songs on the record player or reading the Psalms with her at the table still warm my heart. She gave me several of these Gospel phonograph albums that I  cherish to this day.

Lizzie Bush on Brant St, Burlington Ont. 1959

My Grandma Bush

Family Collingwood bearded man is presumed to be David Bush

David Bush was born on board a ship en route to New York from Paris, France in 1818.  By 1854 he was residing in Montreal Quebec. The census data from 1871 says that he was definitely of French origin. I had heard growing up that he was most likely of Huguenot background, that is French Calvinist Protestant, and that their name had been changed from Boucher to Bush once they landed in the USA. If their name was Bush however they might have hailed from Alsace Lorraine where a German/French mix was common. David Bush died in 1914 at 97 years of age.

Today I heard another story entirely from my aunt that is pretty interesting. Apparently one of Great Great Grandfather David’s sisters was a Catholic nun who lived in a cloistered community somewhere in New York. At some point in her career as a “Sister” some scandal within the Catholic Church caused her some concern and when she left the convent to return to her family  she “spilled the beans”  which caused the rest of the family to turn their backs on all thing papish and convert “en famille” to the Protestant faith.Somehow this branch of the family moved from Quebec to Collingwood Ontario, following work related to shipbuilding on the Great Lakes.

Hiram Webster Bush 1863-1946 Collingwood Ontario

Hiram Webster Bush was a tinsmith who worked on the ships fitted and sailing from Collingwood. He was one of  ten children and my father’s grandfather.

Emmarilla and Hiram's Wedding day June 13 1888

He and his wife Emmarilla Merchant were Church of England. They attended All Saint’s Anglican Church in Collingwood Ontario. They had six children.

Hiram was active in many fraternal organizations including the Freemasons and the The Independent Order of Foresters.

My grandfather Archibald Franklin Bush was born in  Collingwood in 1897. He married my grandmother Elizabeth Parker in  Sept 1923  at St. Albans Church, Toronto Ontario.

The Parker family as will be introduced in my next post were Plymouth Brethren and Gospel Hall  and it was into this denomination that my grandfather transferred his affiliation when he married “Lizzie” and chose to raise his own family of eight children in Burlington Ontario including my father Graham.

Archie Bush 1923 Studio Portrait

Lizzie Parker Bush

Hiram in fraternal regalia

Emmarilla Merchant Bush 1865-1941

Family Tree

Mary Wright  and Percy Clark

Martha Langlands  and Matthew Wright

Emily Scobel Ballantyne and William Mitchell Clark

Elizabeth Edna Parker and Archie Bush

Lucy Emma Brock and William Thomas Parker

Emmarilla Merchant and Hiram Webster Bush

The consumption of alcohol  was forbidden in my mother’s paternal grandfather’s very strict Presbyterian household as well. My grandfather served overseas in France during WW I enlisting when he was only 17 years old. When he returned after the war he admitted to drinking with his chums to deal with the harsh conditions of trench warfare, but even this was no excuse according to my great grandfather and the drinking of alcohol was always severely frowned upon.  Temperance was so much a part of the family’s religious practice that no one ever dared to bring  spirits into my grandparent’s house until my father arrived one Christmas with the proverbial bottle of Canadian Club Rye Whiskey. After all those years of abstinence, my Pop, forty years after returning from the war, asked my father for a sip.

I was baptized in the Presbyterian Church of Canada in 1955 at Central Presbyterian Church in Galt Ontario Canada with Dr. David Goudy officiating. I was confirmed in St. George United Church, St George Ontario by Rev. Gordon Hoult as a member of the United Church of Canada (a union church that was formed by Presbyterian, Methodist, Congregationalist congregations in 1925) in 1968 when  I was 13 years of age.

Matthew Forster Wright at Newcastle Upon Tyne 1895

My great grandfather Matthew's certificate of initiation into the Independent Order of Good Templars dated 1890

In all the years that I have been studying religion I have never spent any time looking into any form of African or Afro-Caribbean spirituality. Up until now I felt that this area of study was closed to me.  The strong exclusive cultural associations of the religion seemed on the surface to bar me from learning about it from the inside out so to speak, dissuading me from exploring its depths. My only experience with  it in the past has been a cursory look into the Orishas or Afro-Cuban deities  while I was studying the various Goddesses of the Womanspirit movement. I also felt I was hampered by my inability to speak Spanish or Yoruban, the African language from which the prayers and songs of the tradition are derived. Lately all this has happily changed.  I feel very fortunate to have been introduced to a lineage holder of an  Afro-Cuban religion called Lukumi (among other things), who is also the co-founder of an organization called the Orisha Consciousness Movement and who has been gracious enough to share aspects of his path with me in English.

I don’t want to jump into a discussion of Afro-Cuban religion at this point or write about  his particular spiritual tradition in this post. I will leave that for another time. For now I want to explore a few significant points that the Baba has brought to my attention and which have introduced me to a wider view of my own spiritual heritage.

One of the very first things that the Baba or teacher of this lineage suggested that I do before I start  to learn about his religion was sit down and sort out where I came from. Who are my people?  How did their lives influence or shape the person that I am today? What were their spiritual influences and did any of them pass anything of value onto me? Honouring your ancestors he said, is as good a place as any to start any spiritual quest. In fact it turns out to be the best place to start.

These questions were ones that I must have been anticipating for a very long time because over the past 3 years I have been studying my families roots and have even gone so far as to subscribe to an online genealogical data base  in order to start working on my family tree. One of the  interesting things that I discovered is that census forms contain much more information than birthdays and the number of persons in a particular household. They also include the profession or trade of the people in the family as well as their religious affiliation if they have any. It was in these government documents online that I discovered quite a lot about my family’s religious heritage. Better than that however has been the enjoyable process of sharing candid and sometimes very poignant conversations with elders within the family.  It has been through these sources that I have been able to piece together an simple history of our religious affiliations and spiritual traditions. It is my hope to share some of what I have found in this blog.

Matthew Wright (1874-1934 ) and Martha Langlands (1874-1958), Newcastle upon Tyne (maternal great grandparents) who emigrated to Hamilton Ontario Canada in 1911.

William Mitchell Clark (1860-1949) and Emily Scobel Ballantyne (1856-1944) Hamilton Ontario Canada

Hiram Webster Bush (1863-1946) and Emmarilla Merchant (1865-1941) Collingwood, Ontario Canada (paternal great grandparents).

William Thomas Parker (1869-1920) Lucy Emma Brock (1874-1901) Wyebridge, Ontario, Canada(paternal great grandparents)

A few weeks ago a dear friend in India (http://www.youtube.com/user/prakashvketkar) challenged me to re-visit the spirituality and religious practice of my youth which was  Christianity. He knows that I have spent decades studying and practicing Dharma from the Hindu and Buddhist perspective as well as the fact that I had completed a Master’s Degree in Religious Studies focusing on Christian and Jewish rituals and faith.  We had been discussing morning prayers to Shri Ganesh and I told him I found the prayers he had shared in his most recent video  beautiful and inspiring and that I would like to incorporate them into my own morning meditation.

Prayers to Ganesh are common in Tibetan Buddhism especially in Nepal where he is venerated by both Hindus and Buddhists. It was at this point that  he suggested I should not do that but instead add prayers to Jesus to my morning practice.

Since you are born Christian (he wrote), it is but natural that you have got more affection, love towards Jesus Christ (than Ganesh). Listen to the stotra (prayer) but try to see Jesus Christ removing your troubles, your sorrow and  blessing you. See he is helping poor people, orphans and devotees like us to be on the right path of  life. Please see that all your rightful wishes are being accomplished through Jesus Christ.

To be perfectly honest I was a little taken aback by his suggestion.

For many years I had felt alienated from the Church and all it stood for. I was frustrated with people trying to force their views and judgments on me during a very stressful time in my life and just gave up trying to conform to what I thought was an unrealistic lifestyle for me. Suffice it to say that I felt as if the tradition that I loved as a child and as a teenager was lost to me, except as a tradition to be studied from a cultural point of view as an academic.

I also had to admit that I had always felt a conflict about this situation. I don’t think that I have ever really left the simple faith I had in Jesus as a child  but there certainly had been a disconnection from the Christian community or a life of Christian prayer. I did have a deep respect for Jesus even though I had spent so many years considering myself a Buddhist.

Prakesh’s challenge after our discussion about Shri Ganesh  reminded me that  when HH Dalai Lama visited Canada and was asked about the number of Westerners turning to Buddhism he said that it would be better for them not to convert to Buddhism.

In his Buddhist lessons, the Dalai Lama often warns Westerners not to embrace a religion like Buddhism too quickly. It is better to be faithful to the religious culture in which one has grown up. Of course, Westerners are free to study and practice Buddhism, but only after a thorough study and initiation should one convert to Buddhism. There is no pressure to make converts in Buddhism. (http://www.dalailamanederland.nl/site/?page_id=148&lang=en)

At the time I felt that his warning didn’t apply to me. I was sincere in my study of Buddhadharma and gave myself to it with an open mind and a pure heart. I thought that it was the best path for me to take at  the time and so I went through the process of taking refuge in the The Three Jewels (The Buddha/Teacher, The Dharma/Teachings, and The Sangha/Community) and then taking the further step of accepting the life of a Buddhist monastic.

My dear friend’s suggestion had come at a time however, when I had already spent the past few years drifting away from that life. I had been having a great deal of difficulty dealing with questions regarding my religious beliefs since I made a pilgrimage to the 5 holy sites of Buddhism  in  Nepal and India. I was reconsidering the decision to become a Buddhist  and had in fact stopped wearing my robes and stopped going to the Temple where I had taken my initial vows.

I felt that I was wandering again, lost between two great religious traditions, and without clear direction. My friend’s suggestion to direct my prayers to Jesus threw me right back into the conundrum that had become my religious life. Once in an interview with a Buddhist mentor when we were discussing my background as a Christian I was told that when one takes vows to pursue the development of compassion and wisdom one never abandons their deepest roots of virtue but honours them by letting them nourish the practice as it is growing in the present. She too, like my friend Prakesh, said that Jesus was that deep root.

In a sense this is exactly what this blog is about. Keeping an open mind. Making room for change as I engage in an honest review of my life so far. Looking for a place to to call  home.

Then a kind friend and spiritual mentor reminded me the other day about “the one needful thing” referring to the story of Jesus’ talk with Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42.

A life of contemplation has always appealed to me. I have spent many years training  in meditational practices and even went so far as to live for some time at a Buddhist monastery wearing the robes of a nun. The problem that I have encountered is that I think I have placed so much emphasis on method that I have neglected the whole point of the practice… I have been avoiding embracing the stillness  and then allowing a spacious awareness to open my heart.

One thing I am sure about…. that natural great peace that opens up around me when I do settle down long enough to feel it, is I believe the very source of who I am.